2019 Season Wrap Up
We cannot fail. I had this epiphany on a treadmill a few months back staring mesmerized through the glass at a rich blue sky while lazy clouds floated by.
There is no such thing as failure. It just came to me. We show up. We give our best. We gift ourselves the loving act of dreaming beautiful things for ourselves. We love ourselves enough to believe we are worthy of those beautiful dreams. And we go for it. For that, everyday is truly a blessing. For that, we cannot fail.
Gratitude is the only word that truly captures all the edges of what I experienced through this season. I faced two injuries. I pulled out of a race and a training camp. I had anger and anguish. I had doubt. But I also had belief. Unfailing belief in me.
While things unravel around us, or injuries arrest us, or weather slows us - we are not losers, because we have gifted ourselves something so deep and precious - the belief that we are worthy of the effort and worthy of the dream. Nobody can take that away.
When I finished my first marathon about 10 years ago I distinctly remember saying, "I did a marathon, and nobody can ever take that away." When I crossed the finish line with a Boston Qualifying time the first thing I said to my awaiting family was, "I did it, and nobody can ever take that away."
Those are the gifts we give ourselves that can never be touched by tragedy, divorce, unemployment, bad managers, toxic people or injury. They will always be true, and no one can ever take that away from you.
I am committing to moments, not results, for all my seasons to come.
Next season is just a series of victory laps for me. I will celebrate all the hard work and achievements of 2019 taking my victory laps in the marathons at Boston and NYC, and 2 Triathlon Age Group World Championships. But what is even more gratifying is taking a step back from my own life and stepping forward into others' through coaching.
The joy and excitement of being a part of someone's journey as they begin their long love affair with running and triathlon has gifted me with moments far more moving than many of my own.
It fills me up more than I could have anticipated. Witnessing a shift in someone's belief in themselves, commitment to themselves and value of themselves is like discovering a secret place of joy within yourself.
Watching my own 13 year old grind it out with everything she has doing hill reps is watching her discover how worthy she is. It's watching a young lady realize she is strong and brave and worthy of the effort. With this, she cannot fail.
So I hope that all of us look back on our moments of last season, more than our results. Doing this little thing we call triathlon and marathon is believing in ourselves. Nobody can take that away. We cannot fail.
"A rich life is made up of treasured moments." - CF